Throughout my college experience, I
have been so narrowly focused on the short-term experiences that I hadn't widened
my view and see the long-term effects. In life, one of the best ways to ensure
happiness and success is through doing what you enjoy. College is the time to
explore and do whatever interests you in the spur of the moment. If you have a
sudden interest to join the school play and try acting, do it. If you want to
try your hand at applying to a bunch of activities that you seen posted on
flyers throughout campus, then do so. If you want to be the only individual
that browses through almost every posting, flyer, and advertisement on campus,
while everyone else seems to pass by them, then feel free to do it. Standing
out in a crowd of thousands will only help you become more of an individual,
instead of one that follows the crowd. I have come to realize that what would
help one propel themselves and be ready for the real world and reach their
bliss is through following and exploring paths that take their interest. Only
through these trials and errors would we be able to really understand and learn
about ourselves, hopefully through growth, change, and acceptance.
For the general part of my college
career, I was a bit hesitant towards change. Leaving behind my old high school
friends and area of comfort to enter a much larger education place was
intimating. I had certain expectations about myself that seemed to vanish the
moment I entered the university out of fear. Fear of whether I would be able to
handle college life, fit in with the people here, or maneuver my way around. I
expected myself to be mature and extremely independent by the time I entered
college, when I was younger and through middle school and all the way up to
high school. Suddenly, being at a place you imagined for so long and realizing
that you might not have reached your own expectations was more of an anxious
realization than disappointment.
My point is that fear makes you
do weird things. It constricts you to focus on what others think or more
accurately what you think others think about you and in turn, you just blindly
follow their expectations, whether it was against what you always wanted
because at that point, the only thing that you want is to feel the safety and
comfort you once knew. We all have a certain vision of who we would like to be
in the future, but when you are suddenly aware that your cracks and flaws might
prevent or hold you back from becoming that person, we tend to worry and in
some cases panic, especially when it matters.
But what if the type of person we
aim to be is not, exactly the type of person we become? Is this a bad thing?
One thing I have learned is that
people change, their lives change, and dreams change. When I was in elementary
school, I originally wanted to be a teacher, whether or not that was because I
thought it would please my teacher, didn't really matter. I still remember that
when I was eight years old, I would go to the basement and stand in front of a
map of the United States and imagine that I was teaching a class. I didn't want
my parents or anyone else to hear me, but after a while it didn't really
matter. I loved the experience and the thought of helping other students who
was in the same position I was in seemed rewarding and fun. And probably in a
quirky way, I liked the idea of handing out papers and grading them to see how
well they learned the material.
However over time, I realized
that maybe I wouldn't enjoy being a teacher because having to deal with
children and students all the time can be pretty tiring. So, I decided that I
wanted to be an author. I loved writing and the idea of having my work
published for others to read seemed really cool. During those times, onto 5th
grade, I started to have ideas of story-lines pop into my head and I would
eagerly right them down. Unfortunately, I had never been able to continue on
after a few pages because the euphoria of writing the story wore off and I
couldn't find ways to bring the story back to life. After the first few pages,
everything I wrote didn't seem to continue on the story well. So, I would stop.
To be honest, it might have been that I wasn't working hard enough to continue
the story and I kept on putting it off. The seeds of procrastination in the
future I guess. But I did manage to write a few good short stories when I was
young with my cousin, though I have no record of any of them now.
After expressing my desire to
become an author to my parents, my father, of course, turned it down because he
said there was no way to make any money off of that. The money would only be
made after someone agrees to publish my story, otherwise I would be hungry.
According to him, writers and artists end up as hungry, poor people; that was
not the last time I heard someone said that.
So after that, I tried to find
another career path that would allow me to make some money, while I could write
on the side. Eventually, my 8th grade I came to journalism. I don't really know
how I became interested in that, maybe it was the influence of television shows
(where it seemed that a majority of the characters pursued a career path as a
journalist) or maybe it was just because it allowed me to do something with
writing that helped me get "paid" for it. I'm not sure, but all I know
is that all throughout high school that was my goal. The goal became really big
during 11th and 12th grade, when I started to express my interest in journalism
to my teachers and classmates and they all supported me through this. Also,
winning a small journalism scholarship and meeting Tara Rosenblum, a TV news
anchor and reporter for Channel 12, just made me develop a passion towards
it.
Fast forward to college, I
realized I do enjoy writing news articles and I have an interest in working for
the Communications/Media field. I have also have a knack for business and enjoy
it as well ---just not so much looking over the financial statements and
budgeting part. What that whole life story was basically saying was that people
change and their dreams change. Although, I am not pursing a career as a
journalist anymore, I am still interested and have a passion for the
Communications/Media Industry along with writing. I also love the idea of being
able to open up my own little store and managing it as well.
As I looked back, I realized that
as a child I had always wrote my own short stories and even pretended to host
my own TV show called "The Flower Show." The interest and passion was
always there, it's just over time I seemed to have lost it and focused more on schoolwork
and grades, instead of focusing on the larger scope of things. I plan to have a
better view now.
I believe Conan O'Brien said it
best when he said that although we didn't become exactly the type of person we
aim to be or aimed to follow, we each went our own different ways that have
allowed us to become our own unique and individual type of person that we can
call our own.
"It is our failure to become
our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not
easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, you’re perceived
failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention."
"I told graduates to not be
afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you
fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through
disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true
originality."
Dreams do change and that's ok.
“Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.”
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