It has only been a few days, since my last post, but it seems like it was forever ago. Lately, I have been suffering from a cold and a runny nose that won't go away, but even more by my debating that has been going on inside of me.
The end of the semester is approaching and summer is coming. Usually I would be happy even summer would come because that would mean no school and freedom to sleep, play, etc. for as long as I wanted without the need to feel like my grades or schoolwork would suffer. But now that summer is coming I am faced with a bittersweet feeling, actually I think I am feeling more of the bitter side effects now.
People have "guilted" into me that I must find work or an internship that I can't waste away this time. Great...so basically this means that from now until my graduation, I can't have a moment of peace or laziness.
Idk I know that I need to find something to do over the summer, but now I just want to focus on my studies and finals, before I have to get into all of that. I just hope that once the semester ends there will still be opportunities available for me.
Even more there is this ongoing feeling inside of me of doing what other people expect me to do, what I should do, and what I want to do and lately giving into following other people's expectations is making me feel not like me. I feel pressure, stressed out, worried about whether or not I can handle anything, and even more now when I get up in the morning I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to that nothing in the day actually makes me feel genuinely happy.
I don't feel like me at all and these days that feeling has been going farther and farther away. To feel like me again, I need more time, to get that time people are just going have to wait and leave me alone. I know what I have to do and I will get to it, just let me breathe for a moment, and take care of myself first.
I promise you I know what has to be done.
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